Анекдотиком махнемся?

[Необратимость]

Сообщение от spoilt [Читал выборочно. Понравилось. :

почему постил не выборочно, король оверквоттеров? :sly:

[Kardinale]

Реклама :
-где ты был?
-в сортир по большому ходил...
-странно а бумага сухая и совсем не пахнет....

[spoilt]

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FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th November

RE: Christmas Party



I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place
on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the

Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have
a
small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A

Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however, no gift should be over $10.00 to
make
the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only

for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.



Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline





FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5th November

RE: Holiday Party



In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now
on
we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'.. The same policy applies to any

other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your

enjoyment. Happy now?



Happy Holidays to you and your family,



Pauline.



FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6th November

RE: Holiday Party



Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous

requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
"AA
Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange
allowed
now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and

Management believe $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE

ALLOWED.



Pauline.



FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th November

RE: Holiday Party



What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during

daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how
a
luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim
employees'
beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal
until
the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged
for
members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and

pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each

will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress -
no
cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people.
Low
fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used inthe food.We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the

restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss

anything?!?!?!?!?!



Pauline.





FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: 8 November

RE: The ******** Holiday Party.



Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit

quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so

quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic

tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feeling too, They scream when you

slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!
H
ope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.



The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: 9th November

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party



I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the

Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give

everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

[big]

Издиваеца сАбАкА

[weiss]

Дэн, ты форумами не ошибся?
Тут фелолахов не так и много

[Необратимость]

Спойлер, я тебя ненавижу

[big]

Два часа ночи, железнодорожный переезд...
Сидим пьем в отделении никого не трогаем, влетает дежурный:
"На переезде ДТП! Товарняк и легковушка." Выезжаем. При подъезде к переезду наблюдаем следующую картину: стоит эшелон цистерн, на скотоотбойнике локомотива покорежнная гаишная шестера, помошник машиниста сидит на крыше локомотива около прожектора, а машинист заперся в кабине.
Перед локомотивом бегает разъяреный, весьма нетрезвый гаишник и орет:
- Гад, ты что сделал! Я же только вчера новые рулевые тяги поставил!
Я же тебе показывал: "Объезжай, объезжай!!!"!
Ты что, гад, меня объехать не мог!?"
При "разборе полетов" выяснилось: нажравшись в хлам, гаишники выехали на переезд и решили подзаработать денег - "сейчас светофор замигает, а мы сцапаем того, кто попробует проскочить...". Когда замигал семафор, увидев идущий поезд, гаишник вышел и стал махать ему жезлом, чтобы он объезжал.
Второго гаишника выловили в кустах.
На вопрос: "Что в ы тут делаете?", прозвучал ответ:
"Грибы... собираю, слышу удар... Выхожу, ДТП..."
Третьего, вырезали из машины автогеном. Он даже не проснулся... Отделался царапинами.
__________________

[big]

Конечно, заранее не поздравляют, но...
всех жителей Эстонии - С НОВЫМ 2006-м ГОДОМ!

[Kardinale]

Из сообщения ИТАР ТАСС... Украина заявила, что газ будут добывать у себя. Первая партия гороха уже закуплена...

[big]

- Обратите внимание на это произведение. Перед нами типичный баян второй половины шестнадцатого века. Афтар, сомнительных качеств личность, не отличался сколь-либо заметным креативом, попросту выражаясь, не жог и заметен лишь тем, что первонахом к данному полотну был сам Леонардо. Осознав, что картинки не грузяцца, афтор выпил иаду. Теперь перейдем в греческий зал.